


Alias

by TheAngelofFate



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Brain Damage, Callus II is a loyal ass horse to Joel, Family, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Hugging, Hugs, Joel Lives AU, Joel is the best dad in the series, ND did him dirty, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, apologies I'm awful when it comes to writing action scenes, he also is the best brother, i have no idea where i am going with this, since the sequel disappointed me I decided to make a fix it fic, still a work in progress as far as the plot is concerned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: In which this is still a story of revenge but also family and love. Where some things are change and some stay the same.Or instead of giving out Joel’s name, he and Tommy try to find another way to outrun the horde, resulting Tommy takes the consequences for his big brother’s past actions.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

Joel slept, granted he wasn't sleeping as peacefully as before all this started, before the outbreak, before Sarah passed, and he damn sure wasn't sleeping anymore peacefully with Ellie and how things were between them, but he was sleeping regardless. And when he slept, he dreamed, he dreamed of simpler times, the images of Sarah's body still lingered there but mostly when he did dream of her, it was of happier days. The day Stella gave birth to her, Sarah's first steps, her first word being a combo of _"mama", "dada"_ , and _"Toome"_ because she loved them all with all her tiny little heart.

He dreamt of her first soccer game, how loud he and Tommy cheered for her, and how proud he was when Tommy snapped a picture of them, smiling as Sarah held up her trophy. 

Before dreaming of Sarah, even if the dreams had been pleasant, filled him with a pain he couldn't shake, but now, it filled him with this bittersweet feeling. It still _hurt_ like hell but, without realizing it, he found some sort of peace with it.

  
Mainly, his dreams nowadays consisted of Ellie, of those little moments they shared before and after Saint Mary's Hospital. Where he saved her, where he risked humanities survival on a cure all to save her. Maybe it wasn't the right decision or maybe it was, all Joel knew that if he had to do the situation over again, he wouldn't change a damn thing.

  
And that's what he had told her, told her he had no regrets saving her, as any parent would for their child, the only thing he did regret was not telling her sooner, because maybe if he had, maybe if he had lied to her, her reaction to finding out the truth wouldn’t have caused a rift to form between them.

And to his shock she actually said that she was willing to forgive him, to _try_. And if that didn’t near send him back with relief. The possibility that they could— that they could be okay, not like they use to but _okay_ was enough to make Joel shed some tears after she left.

So that's what he was dreaming about, the day where they would be okay, where she could look at him and smile like she use to before she found out what he'd done. And where he could finally hug her after so long, because _damn it all_ he missed her. Joel's body did a full-on spasm when he felt something grab him, instincts kicking in immediately, Joel's eyes popped open and he grabbed at the thing, ready to fight if need be.

"Easy, Joel."

"Tommy…" Joel sighed rubbing a hand down his face. "Jeez, baby brother, you know better than to do that."

Tommy held up his hands in defense, with a smile. "Haven't seen you sleep that deep in a while. Must have been a good dream." 

Joel grunted, closing his eyes before stretching. “It was something.”

His brother then, furrowed his eyebrow, tilted his head to the side and chuckled at him, "You know, you sittin' in that chair, all relaxed and all and _boom_ , you look like Dad."

Joel rolled his eyes at him, scoffing, "Is this where I'm suppose to say you look like Ma?"

Tommy grinned at him, "That's what she always told me."

Joel snorted, pressing his fingers to his eyes and rubbed at them, standing up. "I'm assuming there’s a reason you woke me?"

Tommy gave him an incredulous look, "Uh, _yeah_. One last look around, big brother. Then we can go."

Joel blinked at that, then let out a sigh, "Finally." Without wasting a second he moved to grab his pack, hauled it over his shoulders, and sprinted towards the exit. "Feels like we've been out here for a month."

From behind him, Tommy snickered. "Eager to get back, huh? I take it you and Ellie are doing better?"

Joel stopped, gripping the door handle. He smiled, "We're not... _better_ , but… we're _getting_ there.” He gripped the handle tightly in his hand before pulling it open. “Invited me to watch a movie with her when we got back."

As the wind from outside blew their shelter, Joel looked behind him and found Tommy looking ecstatic. "Shit, what movie?"

"Curtis and Viper 2."

Tommy whistled, walking beside him as they both struggled through the snow. "Damn, that's my favorite one, mind if I tag along?"

Joel shrugged, trying to hide his smile, "I don't see why not."

Tommy clapped his hands together, "Shit, the last time I watched that was when I was, what? Twelve?"

Joel smiled at the memory, "Yeah. Ma and Dad were out late that night and we stayed up late watching the marathon. Though you were only able to get through the second one before you passed out. Don't know how you convinced me to let you.

"Easy, I used the charm Ma gifted me."

Tommy said that with such sincerity that Joel scoffed, "Is that right? You call whining’ my ear off about spending time with me _charming_?”

Before Tommy could reply there was a noise that cut through the blazing winds and snow, they both the knew immediately what that was, it was the telltale sign of infected a few miles ahead of them, Joel looked to Tommy, who seemed to be just as surprised. "I thought you said everything was clear."

"It was a few minutes ago."

Annoyance filled Joel and he rolled his eyes, "Well it isn't _now_."

Tommy gripped his rifle in his hand and rolled his eyes too. "Okay, _okay_ —" His brother gripped his weapon tightly, on edge. Before moving forward, "That hillside gives us the best view, we can use that to see what's going on and go from there.”

They traveled uphill for minutes before reaching the top. And what they saw made them both freeze. "Holy shit, Joel—"

"I know."

This was just a few infected running around; this was bigger than that. This was a horde. They weren't equipped to deal with this. "Joel, we can't take that on, we don't have the firepower."

"I _know,_ Tommy _.”_

Tommy looked at him, dead in the eyes. "So, we go back to Jackson, what are the chance ya think that horde will just pass by?" Joel took a minute to decide what the plan was, but then something sliced through the blizzard that wasn't the infected, it sounded _alive_ , it sounded human—

Someone was down there in the mess.

"Tommy—!”

“On it." His brother already had his rifle pulled up to his face. Eye peering into the scoop. " _There_! There just a few ways that way by the lodge!"

It took a split second for Joel to decide, _dammit_ he was probably gonna regret this. "Let's go!" He ordered rushing down the hillside towards the direction Tommy pointed out. "There's a shortcut we can take to get to them faster, but we gotta hustle."

And somehow, by some stroke of luck, they managed to get to the person, in time before she got bit, now. But now they had a problem, because they went after this girl, the horde was now at their lookout. Joel kept his eye on trained on the door, finger directly on the trigger, ready to fight, he wasn't going down here, he and Tommy were gonna make it, he had to get back to Ellie.

"Hey?" He heard Tommy ask the girl out of his peripherals, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." The girl gasped out, clearly shaken from what they just went through.

Even from behind, Joel could still tell Tommy was being cautious, but caring. He always was the sweet one his baby brother. "No bites or scratches?"

"No."

"Good, what's your name?"

" _Abby_."

"Abby, okay. I'm Tommy—"

His back to them both Joel had to resist the urge to smack his brother upside the head.

Because, honestly, Tommy _knew_ better. Sure, they rescued folks that needed help, gave them shelter and a place to call home and all, but until they are checked, and evaluated. No one from Jackson can give out their real names. It's protocol, something that Joel insisted they used, and Maria agreed with.

Maria didn't know the finer details of what happened in the Hospital, Tommy had told him he'd take the secret to his grave but that didn't stop Maria from getting at least some information out of him. So she knew that Joel pissed off the Fireflies, she just didn't know how or why. So when he suggested using alias at a town meeting once, Maria vouched for him, and one look at her, and Joel could tell that she saw the giant target painted on his back.

Even if they all had a good thing going for them, not a single one of them could afford to let their guards down, even among strangers they were helping. So when Tommy was about introduce Joel to Abby. Joel himself let out mental sigh of relief when one of the infect banged particularly hard on the door, Joel took it as the perfect opportunity speak, "That ain't gonna hold. We gotta _move_."

"We ain't gonna outrun them all the to Jackson."

"No amount of barricade will be enough to keep them from getting in! Tommy, we _cannot stay here_!"

"The horses can't makin' it all that way, not them on our asses."

"Can't we find a fucking way around them?" Abby suddenly interjected, looking to both of them, eyes still wide and gun trained on the staircase, where more infected were now attempted to get through. "A shortcut or something?"

A loud bellow was heard from beyond the door. Shit, all this noise attracted a fucking Bloater. "We can discuss where to go while we're running." Joel order as he rushed towards the horses, gesturing Abby to follow "You ride with me, c'mon."

And then they were moving, using the horses they did what they could to get some distance between them and the horde as they zig zagged through the forest, but the horses were getting tired and they could keep it up much longer. 

" _Hey_ —!" Tommy called out "Look there, if we use that overpass, we can lose them in the cliffside just right of that! They won't be able to make that jump!"

Joel didn't know how Tommy could see an overpass in such thick snow, but he trusted his brother's judgement so with Abby holding onto his sides for dear life, Joel made a hard left towards the overpass. But as if things couldn't get much worse, there was another loud bellow from up above.

Then everything happened all at once; Tommy swore and Abby screamed as a mountain of rocks, snow and metal all came crashing down around them. Spooking Callus enough to rear back on his hind legs, nearly throwing Joel off him but managed to hang long enough for the animal to straighten again, looking back he realized with horror that Tommy was there, and upon further inspect neither was Abby.

"Tommy!" Joel yelled jumping off of Callus and rushing towards the collapsed rocks, peaking through the gap that gave him just enough of a glance to the other side. " _Tommy_!"

"I'm alright!" Came his brother voice, Joel let out a sigh but then the dread held firm when a runner collided with his brother, "Fuck!" Joel watched helplessly as his brother struggled with the infected on top of him, before suddenly a gunshot sounded out and it went limp. 

"Jesus, thanks kid."

Tommy stood and walked over to whom Joel assumed was Abby and helped the girl to her feet. They all stiffened when they heard that familiar bellowing, it was another Bloater. Tommy locked eyes with him and not a second later Joel shook his head. "No way, I ain't leaving you both behind,"

Two more Runners and a Clicker but were taken care of swiftly by Tommy and Abby. "This ain't up for debate! There ain't no time, we can outrun them a different way, just _go_! Get back to Jackson!"

Joel knew Tommy was right, he knew that, but that didn't mean he was okay with it. “Alright, just be careful!" With all the million thoughts running through his head that was the one thing he couldn't stress that enough.

_Please be careful, brother._

"Hey!" Joel turned to Abby, as she and Tommy got on Sara’s back, and even though his gut was telling him not to, he did it anyway. "You keep him safe."

Abby looked him in the eye for a second or two and nodded. Joel watched them head left while he got back on Callus and made his way back to Jackson.

Callus whined tiredly as the sound of the infected faded with every step they took. The farther he went the more the pit in his stomach grew. Something about when they locked eyes, there was something about her, something about the hue in her eyes, the stare she gave him that reminded him someone.

But he just couldn't place who. 

Shaking his head, Joel firmly ordered Callus to go faster. The fact he gets to Jackson the fast they can send out others to help him find his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I like that rest of you have played through TLOU2 and I like many of you wished things were done differently. Now do I absolutely hate and despise Abby for killing Joel, yes. With every fiber of my being, do I understand her reasons? Yes, I do. Does that make me any less mad that she kill my boy and took away Ellie’s chance of reconciling with her surrogate dad? Of course not.
> 
> With that all being said I still wanted to take a gander of a fix-it-fic. This probably won’t get noticed, but that’s something I’ve come to get use too.
> 
> Anywoo, for those that do happen to read this, a penny for your thoughts? Feedback down below is always welcomed and appreciated and I will hopefully see you all next time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first have to take a moment to say how unbelievably happy I am at the response this story has gotten? Like my god, I expected this to only get a review or two, and maybe only have around 10 people read it but this? This blew my mind, I have seen this much feedback from one of my stories in a looong time and I can not put into words how happy I am. 
> 
> Thank you all so much,

The blizzard was getting worse, he could hardly see in front of his face let alone make Callus go straight, they were both exhausted and if they didn’t get out of the cold soon they both were gonna die from hypothermia. But Joel knew, he knew he had to keep going, Jackson only a few miles away, if he could just get in the gates even if he collapse from cold, he could tell, let them know that Tommy needed help. So he kept going, fighting through the cold and pain in his shoulder that he didn’t realized had been there until after the adrenaline had worn off, probably pulled something, or dislocated it. Hell, anything was better than the alternative, he didn’t even want to think about it being a bit mark, no way. He’d been careful, it wasn’t that, hopefully.

Five more minutes passed before Joel noticed Callus starting to slow down, the poor thing whine and Joel could tell its legs were starting to give out. He stroked the horse comfortingly, “I know, boy. I know. But it’s just a little farther.” Then to his sadness he felt Callus begin to dip down, and Joel knew from his time with horses that if they lay down there was no chance of them getting back up. “Hey, hey... none of that, I’ll get offa’ ya, that’ll help. But we gotta keep goin’.” He jumped off of Callus and held on to the reigns while he lead him forward a few more feet before misguided stepping a rock that in reality wasn’t a rock but a Runner frozen underneath patch of snow and grabbed at him.

He lost the grip on Callus’ reigns and went tumbling down the hillside. Joel hit the ground and got the wind knocked out of him, while a sharp side went through his abdomen, this pain felt familiar and he realized with a cold sense of dread what happened. Lifting a hand up, Joel fumbled around in a daze that seemed to last 10 years before he finally found it, right there on the right to his side was a stick poking from behind his back straight through his stomach. “Shit, not again—!” He gasped as he greedily sucked air into his lungs to regain some normality of his breathing. Last time this happened he had Ellie with him, but now he was alone, alone in the cold with no way to get help.

For him or Tommy.

Then he felt something graze his head, turning, with blurry vision, he saw Callus had jumped the rest of the way down and was just standing there. His dad always told him that it wasn’t just dogs who were loyal to their owners. Slowly, he reached up and weakly gripped the reigns, giving Callus a gentle pat, “Good boy.”

A sound of a snapping twig seemed to cut through the wind and Joel stiffened, thinking that maybe it was the Runner that was trapped in snow had someone managed to get out. Hold his pistol in his hand Joel prepared himself to fight, no matter what it took. Then sitting up the best he could Joel aimed and saw Jesse standing there. “J-Jesse?”

“Joel?” Jesse looked dumbstruck upon seeing him, but quickly shook it off once he took in his condition and wasted no time in rushing forward. “ _Holy shit_.” His hands hovered over him, unsure of what to do and he thought that for one moment he was gonna have to instruct him like he had done with Ellie back then. But to his surprise, he watched as Jesse knelt down, took out a knife and began cutting away at the wood.

They both remained silent for a minute or two, and then, “Why didn’t you and Tommy show up at the lookout?”

Joel sucked in another breathe, “Tried to, was headin’ there but then… A horde came out of nowhere, ambushed us.”

It didn’t come a crossed as surprising when Joel heard the confusion in Jesse’s voice, “Why didn’t you guys leave, came find us?”

Joel grunted as the gravity from Jesse cutting the branch made the branch dig into him further. “We were goin’ too, but there w-was a girl who needed our help. We… We tried to outrun t-them through an overpass, but it collapsed. Had no choice but to separate”

Then with a single _snap!_ Joel fell sideways and would have hit the ground had Jesse not caught him. “You? Helping someone out, I’m surprise.” Jesse was trying to lighten the mood, probably trying to hide his obvious concern about him and his condition and even if Joel didn’t have the energy, he chuckled anyway.

“Moment of weakness, it happens.”

Jesse snorted, and propped Joel against his side. “When you and Tommy didn’t show up something felt off and I went looking for you, but didn’t think I’d find you like…” Jesse paused a second, “Well I’m glad I found you before the infected did.”

“Me too, thanks kid.”

Jesse adjusted him hold on Joel making him grunt in pain at the sudden moment but kept him mouth shut. “Well right now we need to get out of the cold and fix you up before we can even think looking for Tommy. Going to the lookout is a no go, we wouldn’t get there in time before you’d either die of blood loss or freeze.” The longer they stood there the more Joel’s vision was starting to blur, his mind was becoming a hazy fog as he practically went limp against Jesse’s side. “Woah! Okay, _okay_. No passing out on me, old man.” When Joel gave no reply but a small whimper, he vaguely felt himself being lifted off the ground and onto something solid, Jesse must’ve hoisted him onto Callus’s back. 

“—el, if you can— We’re going to— It use to be Eug—”

But Joel do nothing but lay there against Callus who was also faintly whining at the added weight to its already exhausted frame, he wanted to tell Jesse that Callus probably wouldn’t be able to go any further, but all that came out was another grunt of pain and then nothing.

* * *

Tommy knew the situation Joel and him got themselves into was fucked. In the last four years since Ellie and his brother arrived back in Jackson, they’d both gotten to mountains of trouble but this one was proving to be the most challenging. He just hoped that Joel made it back to Jackson in one piece because there is no way he was going to be able to loop around and get there himself. But if they could just get away from this horde long enough to find some shelter then maybe they’d be able to survive this.

Tommy urged Sara to go faster, he knew the gal was tired and he knew she’d likely not make it but he had to push her, because as long as they were all still breathing, then they could make it. And while he zigged through the trees, Abby was shooting off the Infected that got too close to them, “That’s great, Abby! Just keep holdin’ them off, we’re find a way to lose them!”

“Where are we going!?” Abby asked him, as she use what remained of her bullets to shoot down another Clicker.

“My friend and I found a bunker a few years back, we hold up there so in case we have nowhere to go and can’t make it back to Jackson in time!” And he made a quick turned to the right and headed in that direction. “It should be enough to ride out this horde until they move on!” And finally a few ways away, he spotted it, “Hold on!” He made a hard right and had Sara jumped through the trees before coming to a stop. Tommy hauled himself off of his horse and over to the large metal doors, “C’mon, get in!” It looked like Abby didn’t need to be telling twice for she practically through herself into the bunker almost falling down the steps.

Tommy grabbed Sara’s reigns and forced her down the steps, “Sara! Get your ol’ ass down there, now!” she put up on hellva fight but he somehow managed to get her down there and close the doors behind them. For a moment, they were in complete darkness, then light came through in the form of a match, lite by Tommy as he used it to lite an oil lantern that was sitting on the desk. Tommy let out a long breath and leaned against the wall. “This place was actually a lot smaller but my friend and I dug it out a little more to fit our horses.”

He looked down and saw Abby laying on the floor panting, Tommy laughed. “You alright, kid?”

“Y-Yeah, just… Jesus, that was close.”

Despite feeling the same way, Tommy shrugged. “Nah, I’m sure you been through worse, we all have,” He leaned his head at the wall and closed his eyes for a moment or two before pushing off with a grunt. He reached into a duffle bag he had restocked with bars a few days ago and offered her one with a bottle of water, “Here you go.”

Abby looked at the offered food, and then back at Tommy, her body seemed to stiffen within a second and there was something in her eyes he couldn’t quite place, and Tommy didn’t know why. Why was she so distrustful now, after what they’d just gone through? “They ain’t poisonous, trust me the only thing you’ll likely get is a bad aftertaste, cause these are bland as shit.”

Another second or two passed before Abby finally took the bar and bottle. Tommy made his way over to Sara who flicked him in the face with her tail, giving him a noise of disapproval. “I know girl, I know you hate close spaces but would ya rather I left you out there with all them infected?” Sara stomped her foot and flicked her tail in his face again, and stubbornly remained face the wall. Tommy stroked her back and grabbed into his pocket, offering her some sugar cubs as a peace offering, “Ah, I see is this ‘cause I called ya old? I’m sorry, darling, I didn’t mean it.” Sara nibbled on the cubs and Tommy ran a hand down her nose before backing away and unzipping his pack looking for that walkie talkie he’d been tinkering with.

“What’s Jackson?”

Tommy stopped and turned to Abby, “Huh?”

 _There_ was that strange look again, as Abby stared at him, she adjusted her position and leaned more against the wall. “Jackson, you said that before, what is it?”

Tommy blinked, “It’s a safe place, a community of people we’ve helped and who help us in return. When we get there, you’ll see, it’s a nice little place.”

Abby hummed and took another bit of her bar and Tommy went to looking for that walkie talkie, dammit where did the damn thing go? “Is it nice there, in Jackson?”

Tommy stopped short, at the comment, didn’t he just say it was? Then he felt all along his neck and back he felt the prickles of goosebumps forming. His hands twitched and his body stiffened, something wasn’t right, something didn’t feel quite right. “In all the excitement, I never asked about you. What were you doing down there, you almost got yourself killed,” Tommy had just enough time to see Abby from his peripheral vision. She looked like she had jerked back when she saw him turn his head to face her.

“Just passing through,” Abby said her expression was a mixer of tension and calm. “Thought I was being quiet, but I guess it wasn’t enough.”

“Hmm, yeah it takes one wrong step and the infect can hear anything.”

“You think your friend will be okay?”

A pit in his stomach grew, he tried to ignore it but some part of him wouldn’t really let him, and his mouth open and a words fell out without him realizing why. “Trust me, Daryl’s been through worse then a horde of infected, he’ll get back to Jackson and have a search party come find us.” Tommy blinked, caught off guard by his own anxiety spilling out Joel’s alias like that,

“You got someone waiting for you there?”

Tommy sucked in a breath, deciding to forget about the walkie talkie and stood tossing his pack over in the corner. “Uh, my wife. Couple of my friends.”

“What about your brother.”

Ice filled Tommy’s veins at the question. Dread formed in his heart and washed over him. The question left him stunned for a moment, but he shook it off and pretended it didn’t bother him. “Don’t remember mentioning my brother,” The tension in the air was thick and Tommy’s heart began to race.

“I know.” Abby’s voice dropped an octave and Tommy slowly turned and saw she had her gun trained on him, Tommy shifted on his feet and Abby tightened her grip on the gun, “Make another move and I’ll put on between your eyes.”

Tommy held up his hands, “The hell you doin’?”

Abby looked like she really didn’t know what she was doing but nevertheless, she remained firm. “I don’t want to hurt you, just tell me where your brother is.”

Tommy now knew what this was about, he now knew what that look Abby gave him, that glare of distrust, it was the same look Marlene use to give him back when he left the Fireflies.

Shit, she use to be a Firefly.

 _Fucking hell_.

“Listen; I haven’t seen my brother in over 24 years.”

Abby sneered at him, a smirk on her face. “Not buying that, if you don’t fucking tell me where he is, I’ll go to Jackson and make someone else tell me.”

Tommy knew he had to make Abby believe her, so he pretended to be pissed off, at the mere mention of his brother. “Abby, he ain’t there! I haven’t seen Joel in 24 _years_. The last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to see his goddamn face again. _He ain’t there_.”

Silence fell between them, Abby looked him dead in the eyes, and there was a moment, just a single moment where Tommy thought, he thought she believed him but then there was only rage there along with a determination Tommy hasn’t seen in since Marlene. “I don’t believe you.”

A _bang_ sounded off and Tommy felt a sharp pain straight through his chest, before he rushed forward and tackled Abby, they wrestled on the ground, dirt and dust flew around them. The air was filled with their grunts and Sara’s whining as they struggled against one another. He got a few good hits in, broken nose, blood pooled down the corner of her mouth, pretty sure he cracked one of her ribs.

Then Abby gained the upper hand by kicking him between his legs, then he felt something connect to the side of his jaw, through blurry vision, he saw that she had a plank in her hands, “Tell me where he fucking is!”

“Jesus Christ, Abby, after what we just went through!” Tommy spattered out, spitting blood on the ground. “I don’t _know_!”

“LIAR!”

The rage in Abby’s eyes made her pupils dilate as she continuously hit him in any part she could find but the ones where he felt the most pain were his head, he was pretty sure there was some form of a dent there, some type of crater he couldn’t see but he could feel. He couldn’t see straight, his mind was in a fog and he could hardly _breathe_ , as the room spinned. Twenty-three times, twenty-three continuous swings, that’s how many times it took before he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Alri-Alright...” He choked out, blood catching in his throat and making him gag, “I’ll t-tell…”

“ _Where_!?”

Tommy eyes drooped, choking against the iron taste in his mouth.

_Wait_

Abby leaned down, just enough to grab him by his hair when Tommy used what was left of his strength to slam his foot against her knee, she gave a scream on pain, then he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her face against table stunning her just long enough for him to scramble to his feet limp over to the doors, and throwing them open. He yanked Sara outside and had just enough time to close the doors right as Abby was climbing the stairs.

And locked her there.

He grabbed Sara’s reigns and with much difficulty it left him crying tears of agony, Tommy managed to get one her back and ride off. He didn’t know where he was going, he couldn’t think straight, all he could focus on was the pain. The adrenaline was wearing off now and Tommy’s full body crashed against Sara. And Tommy felt… Well he felt like he was fading, he felt himself slipping away, like he was floating in a cloud as it kept pulling him up and up. 

He felt like he was dying.

His heart skipped a beat at that because he didn’t want to die, not now. He had to get back home, to Maria, to Ellie and Joel. He had to warn them, warn Joel of who was after him so that his brother could run. But he knew, he could feel it and that fucking terrified him.

The last conscious thought he had, before dark claws grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him down into the depths of nothingness was them, their names; _Maria, Ellie, Joel…_ They had meant the world to him, they were his family, everything he became after the world went to shit and after he left the fireflies was because of them.

_I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry._


	3. Chapter 3

When Joel came to, he felt lightheaded and dizzy, while every part of his body ached, feeling… if that were even possible at this point,, worse then when he had passed out. Slowly, regretfully he opened his eyes and saw that he was still on Callus' back looking downward, his stomach churned, as bile rose to his throat and promptly existed. 

_Fuckin' hell_ he hated throwing up

He could deal with infected, people trying to kill him, guns shots and knife wounds but give him the flu and he went down harder then a bag of rocks. 

A few years back when he and Ellie first came back to Jackson, Joel came down with exactly that. It started out with just feeling aches, and he just chucked it up to just being sore from fighting off those Fireflies and getting shot at. But then the aches never went away, and then he got the shivers, and then the nausea started, pretty soon he was held up in his house, vomiting into a bed pan with the covers pressed up to his nose, and miserable.

Ellie sat by his side, as she dabbed at his sweaty forehead with a washcloth, looking down right scared to death, and rightfully so, because from what she had told him, when he was impaled by that rod he came down with a sickness soon after. She was scared, petrified, and Joel as awful as he felt tried to reassure her, but all that came out was another fit of vomiting.

So Tommy had done it instead, " _Don't worry, Ellie. Joel may look like he's dyin' but he's been through worse, this is just the common flu, it'll pass."_ Through lidded vision, Joel could tell that his brother was smiling back then, _"I'll write down falling in river tunnels on the 'No go for Joel' list."_

And while Joel spilled the contents of what had been in his stomach, he felt Callus come to a stop. "Welcome back, Joel" Jesse said, as he heaved him off Callus' back "I thought you went into a coma for a while." Being right side up again, did not help lesson his misery, vertigo was proving to be a bitch because he was on his feet no more then a few seconds before he crashed to the ground. Jesse's voice faded in and out as he felt himself being picked again, no scratch that, he felt himself being lifted off the ground, carried a few feet and then placed on something soft. Jesse's voice faded back in long enough for Joel to hear him say, "Lucky Eugene still had this bed here, huh?"

When Joel didn't answer, he felt Jesse give him a rough shake, "Don't go passing out, old man. Last time I really thought you died. Ellie would have killed you and me for not trying harder." That word seemed to light a spark in him. He remembered how hard he fought for that girl, remembered what he did to save her, if he hadn't died then, he sure as all wasn't going to now. So he fought to stay awake, for her and Tommy because, _shit_ his baby brother was still out there being chased by the infected,

"T-Tommy—" Blurry vision focusing on Jesse

The kid gave him a knowing look "I know, we'll get you fixed up and go help him, kay?" Jesse then jerked to his left, face alert and cautious. Moving to stand, he looked at Joel, "Stay here."

He moved his hand to go after the kid, but found that he just didn't have the strength left to do so, his hand went limp, head throbbing, body aching, another round of nausea traveling up his throat, all the while his vision blackened. He wasn't ashamed to admit he hasn't felt this bad in a long time. Faintly, he felt a whine, while something brushed his hand, splitting his eyes open just enough to see without the light from the room killing him, he saw Callus there again. Joel found himself smiling at the loyalty his mare showed him, he stroked the horses' chin with his fingers, "Good boy, Callus."

Joel became distantly aware of footsteps coming back upstairs. Instincts kicking in, he made a move for his gun but found it no where in reach. Then the footsteps stopped and the room in the air seemed to shift without warning. "Joel?"

He knew that voice, turning his head to the left, Joel forced his eyes open wider so that he could see her. And standing there, was Ellie, looking scared and terrified as she had back then. Joel could do nothing else but smiled at her. "Hey, baby girl."

His words did little to calm her. "Holy shit—!" She rushed forward, kneeing by the bed. Hands hovering over him for a moment before she slowly lifted his shirt up and over the branch still sticking out of his side. " _Fuck_ …" She breathed, and Joel could tell she was trying hard not to let her fear control her actions.

“I didn't want to risk more blood loss by pulling it out, plus that branch is a lot smaller then that rod you told me he fell on before."

The conversation that was being discussed around him fell on death ears for Joel, his ears popped and his vision darkened again, but he was brought back to reality with a crash once he felt the jolting sensation of someone sticking something in body. His body jerked, as his back and abdomen constricted on themselves without his say so as he grunted out a long whine of pain as he buried his nose into the old pillow, he could smell the dust there, mingling in with his sweat.

"Sorry," Ellie soothed, "We're almost done."

Eventually the constant little jolts of pain from the needles stopped, but that was due mainly that Joel once again passed out from the strain he was in and found that he was now laying back against the bed. He opened his eyes again and found that his head wasn't as clouded, turning his head to the right saw Ellie had moved closer to him, while Jesse and Dina were off to the side talking. When had the scene changed without him realizing it?

"Hey." Ellie greeted, body tense and rigged.

Joel cleared his throat, still tasting what was left of the bile on his tongue. "Howdy." He moved to adjust himself a bit more on the bed. "This doesn't feel as bad as last time."

Ellie scoffed "That's cause we were able to treat it in time, where before I didn't know what I was doing. Sent the better part of the first three days scramble to find anything, it also got infected which didn't help and then you got sick." Ellie's hands fidgeted, as she spoke. "Plus the branch wasn't as big as the rod so… your just lucky it didn't hit any organs."

Joel hummed, "Yeah, _lucky_."

Silence fell between them, Ellie continued to fidget, she picked at her nails and looked at the ground. Joel could sense the fear leaking off of her, the possible PTSD she was having. Not just with his injury but what that injury had brought afterwards with David. "Ellie…" Slowly, ever so slowly, Joel reached out, testing the waters and placed his hand on hers.

She jerked violently, but didn't pull away like last time, she looked at him, eyes shining with so many mixed emotions, "Y-Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

Those words held so _many_ undertones. He wasn't sure what he was sorry for. Maybe it was lying to her, maybe it was not giving her a choice, or for scaring her, for making her remember David and what he did to her, for not being better, because she deserved better. Or maybe it was all of the above, but he said them, and he meant them.

Ellie swallowed, thickly, "I know."

Joel's heart warmed when Ellie squeezed back, bowing her head a little before letting out a small sniff. He wished that he could pull her to him and hold her tightly and tell her how _much_ he loved her, how she brought back something in him that he thought was long gone, how she changed him for the better and made him feel alive again, how much she truly gave him by just being alive and how he's going to spend the rest of his life making up for letting her down. He wanted to say all this but he forced himself not too, he knew that would be too much. Instead he reached forward and wiped at the corner of her eye where a single tear was forming. There was pain there still, betrayal, hurt, but there also was fear, fear of losing him and petrified her, he squeezed her hand and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

Right now, this was enough, it had to be.

Suddenly, Joel bolted upright a sensation of dread shot through him, jerking his hand away from Ellie, Joel gripped his chest and choked out a gasp. It was like someone placed a taser right to his chest and turned it on to maximum.

Ellie was in his personal space, hands hovering, eyes scared. "Joel? What is it?"

" _Tommy_ …"

"What?"

But Joel didn't give a replay, instead he made to stand, his body stiffened at the movement, his side throbbed but he forced himself to move through the pain. "We gotta go,"

"Why? Joel, _no_. You can't—"

"I damn well can and going to, Tommy needs help."

Dina and Jesse were now standing over him to, trying to hold him down while Ellie backed off. "We know. Dina and I were just talking about going to find him in a few—"

But Joel cut Jesse off, yanking arms out of their grips, pushing himself off the bed and crashed into the wall, but he forced himself upright, forced himself to focus through the blinding dread that was filling him, "No, not in a few hours. _Now_. Listen I don't know how but somethin' bad just happened to Tommy, and we need to go _now_." Dina and Jesse looked at him as though he was crazy, but they remained where they were rooted to the spot, desperately he turned his head, " _Ellie_ …" They locked eyes for a moment, and then it was just them, staring at each other as something passed between them.

"Okay." Slowly, Ellie blinked, giving him a curt nod, walking over to him she helped him lean off the wall and more into her. "Okay… which way?"

Joel shook his head, unsure. "I don't know, we just gotta _go_."

"Then let's go."

They spent the thirty minutes looking for Tommy. They scoured as much of the area as they could with the limited men they had, combed over every rock, tree, called over to the other lookouts, after some of them were starting to turn back and leave, did they finally find him. Joel moved through trees, jump down steep rocks and slide down hillsides. Ellie not too far behind him with Shimmer in tow. "Joel? How you doing? You need to rest?"

If he was being brutally honest with himself, he was exhausted. His body was shaking from the strain it was being put under and he didn't know how long he was going to last before he eventually collapsed. But he wasn't being honestly, but he also was willing to lie to Ellie again so he spoke a half truth. "Not great." He gripped Callus' reigns tightly in his hands, until his knuckles turned white. "I'll feel a hell of a lot better when we find Tommy," But then he paused, and considered for a moment, "Do you need to stop, kiddo?"

Ellie's eyes held a deep worry, a fear that Joel knew just was for him. She blinked, shaking her head, "I'm fine."

"Oka—"

  
They both stiffen when they heard a loud noise coming from a few yards away from them. They knew that sound, it was a mare and from the sound of it, and it was in distress. " _Go_!" Joel shouted and he took into the direction of the sounds, he ducked under branches, a few on them hitting them in his shoulder when finally laying in snow underneath a clearing hidden by brush and trees covered in snow and sleet was Tommy. And if the sight before him didn't blood freeze, it was like he was nightmares. The nightmares he use to get back in the beginning of the outbreak, nightmares about Sarah's death left him screaming in his sleep, crying for her, reaching out for her. Yelling to God why he took his baby away from him, and even at one point, one selfish point that still made him sick to his stomach was seeing Tommy in Sarah's place and being relieved about.

The scene before him changes and suddenly, it's Henry and Sam, laying there. Henry's distraught face as he put the pistol to this temple will forever be burned into his mind. Was this how he had felt? This overwhelming sense of fear? Is that why he pulled the trigger?

Eventually, shock wore off, " _Tommy_!" Joel practically threw himself off Callus, he struggled through the snow for a bit before the little hide away, he skidded onto his eyes, his pants getting caked with his brother blood that pooled against the soft snow. "Oh Christ— No… _no_ …" He felt bile raise in his throat as he took in his brother's condition. Tommy's head… his baby brother had been beaten senseless. Pieces of flesh were matted were tangled within hair and dried blood as a white hue of the skull showed through. Hands shaking, Joel gently, so very gently gather his brother in his arms and tried not to vomit when he got a full view of the damaged done to Tommy.

He felt like it was pointless at this point but there was something in Joel that just did it anyway, "Tommy," His voice cracked, as he shook his brother. "C'mon baby brother… Don't do this to me...” His heart ached as the familiar scene he found himself in reminded him of Sarah, his nightmare where he wished for one second it had been Tommy. "I didn' mean it, Tommy. Please, I didn'—! Oh baby brother…" His eyes stung, as grief consumed him once more, as he held Tommy against him like he had Sarah, "God, please don't take him too. _Please_ … I'm sorry—"

Gently, as light as a feather, Joel felt someone squeeze his shoulder. Through blurry eyes, Joel saw Ellie kneel down next to him, expression just as broken, eyes blood shot as tears cascading down her cheeks. He wanted nothing more to hold her to him, as a deafening fear consumed him that he'll lose her too, like how he almost lost her four years ago.

But he remained where he was, rooted to the spot, still holding Tommy so close with both his arms, just like when he lost Sarah.

An unrecognizable noise escaped him, but it wasn't until it happened again, wasn't until a felt a light breeze against his neck did Joel realize that it hadn't come from him. He pulled away just enough to look, just enough to see. A laugh that turned into a so tore from the deepest part of his throat, he looked over at Ellie who was wearing the same exact expression.

For however weak it was, Tommy was breathing. By some miracle, a mercy from God, he was breathing.

Tommy was alive.

"Oh, thank god—! Tommy? Hey! You with little brother?"

"Jo—?"

Joel smiled, he turned to Ellie and caught her grinning too from ear to ear, scooting closer to them, placing a hand against Tommy's forehead. "That's it, Tommy, come back to the land of the living."

They waited, they waited long enough that Jesse and Dina arrived, and eventually Tommy did open his eyes.

And _screamed_.

No one had been expecting it, least of all Joel who was promptly thrown backward as Tommy somehow had the strength to break Joel's hold and push him away. Joel fell back, his vision darkened when his jolt of agony traveled down his body as he landed against a rock.

"Joel!" Disoriented, nauseous and pained he felt Ellie next to him, helping him to his feet. He watched with blurry vision as Jesse and a few others from the other lookouts tried to hold Tommy down, trying to get him to calm down. He watched his brother fight like he was a drowning man, watched him struggle.

Everyone froze then when Tommy started speaking "Ma? Dad? Joel!? Lauren?"

_Lauren?_

She'd been Tommy's girlfriend back—

Suddenly, a cold realization suddenly washed over Joel, he stepped forward, slowly with his arms raised. "Tommy, _Tommy_. Hey, it's me. I ain’t gonna hurt you. Listen carefully now; _where_ are you right now. How old are you?"

Tommy's legs were shaking under him and Joel knew it was only a matter of time before he collapsed. The adrenaline was slowly wearing off. "Thirteen."

Joel closed his eyes, the dread settling in his chest and refusing to move, then when he looked back at Tommy, he saw that his brother's eyes were closed and he swayed slight, he looked back at Joel shocked, "Where's Sarah?" Joel's throat was too closed up to answer, but then he felt Ellie shift behind him and Tommy followed that movement, "Oh! There she is! Sarah, heya darlin'. Look how tall you've gotten, has it been that long?" Tommy moved forward towards Ellie arms stretched out in an attempt to hug her, but Joel immediately got between them. Gently, he grabbed Tommy by the shoulder, it was only now that he was noticing that not only could he see his brother's skull where the dent was, but that it was crack, and pieces were already starting to all off, getting ready to expose the brain.

"Tommy—"

Something shifted in Tommy's expression, and grinned up at him, "Howdy, big brother."

" _Howdy_." Swallowing, down a lump in his throat, Joel gave his best attempt of a smile, "Listen, little brother, we—"

"Where's Dad? Did I get in trouble?"

Joel shook his head, squeezing Tommy's shoulders in reassurance, "Listen, Tommy. We need to go home, yeah? Ma's… Ma's got dinner waitin', it's yer favorite, you know." He watched Tommy turn his head, and his brother's eyes lite up when he saw all the horses,

"Can I ride with you? Please?"

Tears stung his eyes, but he nodded anyway, "Of course you can." Placing an arm around Tommy's shoulder he lead them to Callus.

While Ellie followed close behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I wanna thank you guys again for all the support and lovely reviews. You guys have no idea how much love and appreciate it.
> 
> Secondly, I wanna start off by saying that this particular part was hard for me to write, not that it was hard persay, I mainly had a hard time because of how heartbreaking it was. Make no mistake, just because I didn't kill Tommy doesn't mean this isn't still a revenge story. It still is, it's just that Joel has more of a main role then what actually happened to him in canon. Nor does it mean that Tommy is okay, because he isn’t, far from it. 
> 
> A penny for your thoughts? Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated down below and I will see you all next time.


	4. Chapter 4

Getting back to Jackson hadn't been a problem. He thought… Well he and everyone else thought it was considering the state that Tommy was in but to their surprise Tommy didn't put up a single fight as they rode back, in fact Tommy seemed to be delighted with everything that was going on. From behind him, Joel could hear Tommy laughing, giggling, sticking his hand out to try and caught some falling snow in his hands. And then something shifted and then Tommy was asking him questions, why they were outside, where were their parents?

> _"Where's Stella? She mad at you again?"_
> 
> _"When did Sarah get big enough to ride a horse?"_
> 
> _“Are… Are you sure I'm not in trouble?"_

Joel gripped the reigns until his knuckles turned white. "Let's just get back home, huh?'

So no, they didn't have any problems getting back to Jackson, that was until they had to go through the gates. He felt Tommy's grip on his tighten, his fingernails digging into his side, making him wince. " _Joel_ …"

Joel patted Tommy's hand, "Easy, little brother. It' alright."

But Tommy didn't relax, in fact, he seemed to be getting much worse. Joel thought for a split second, that Tommy was gonna have another panic attack, that was until Ellie walked up beside them, "Hey, Tommy."

Tommy blinked at Ellie, like he was seeing her for the first time. "Howdy, what's your—?" His brother let out a full body flinch, burying his face into Joel's coat before turning back to her. "Name… that's what I meant?"

Ellie smiled at him, looking sad, "Ellie, I'm Ellie."

Tommy's eyes drooped eyes, before his expression shifted and a smile spread a crossed his features. "Sarah? How you doin', darlin'?"

Joel watched as Ellie's face crumbled, he watched as she closed her eyes and looked down at her hands, she nodded only once before peering back up. "I'm fine, Uncle Tommy." Joel reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze, Ellie squeezed back just as tightly, as they both just rode side by side, trying to ignore the stares of everyone else.

Getting off their horses, in one single unit, they walked Tommy to get some medical care.

Once Tommy was settled, Jesse and Dina lead him over to get himself checked out. He grunted and grimaced as his injury was sterilized with disinfectant, the nurse handed him some penicillin caplets and a bottle of water. He took them, and let himself take in the sound of the sounds around him, listened the to chatter, the gentle sounds of the loud beeping from the machines in the other rooms and just when he thought he was gonna fall asleep just sitting there, a voice prevented him from doing so, "Joel?"

He opened his eyes at the sound of Ellie's voice, and there she was, just standing in the doorway, Dina and Jesse close behind her. Joel took in her appearance, saw the way she slumped in the doorway, the look on her face, how pale she was. She was on the verge of collapse after everything that happened and needed someone to hold her up and it was apparent that in this moment, Dina wasn't enough. Joel volunteered, would always be there, no matter she hated him or not. He motioned her forward, "C'mere, baby girl." And just like that, Ellie crossed that distance and would have fallen into his arms, had she not stopped herself at the last second, Joel's hand twitched but remained where it was,

"Ellie?"

Ellie looked to be struggling with what she wanted to say, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breathe, before letting it out. "The doctor said that Tommy has severe damage to his brain." This didn't come as a shock to Joel he knew by his brother's condition that something wasn't right with his brain, he knew that, figured that even, but that didn't mean it hurt any less to know, to have it be said out loud.

"What…" He cleared his throat, letting out a sigh. "What about the way he's actin'?"

When Ellie didn't answer, Dina chimed in, "They said that's one of the side effects."

"Is— Is it permanent?"

Ellie shook her head, looking lost, her lower lip jutting out, something she always did when she was frustrated. "Gave me the generic bullshit of ' _doing everything they can'_ but that we needed to possibly face the reality that Tommy might… never be _Tommy_ again."

The reality of that, of that knowledge seemed to crash into him all at once. Even when Tommy's injuries heal, when the cracks went away and the bleeding stopped, Joel knew that his brother wasn't gonna be the same, that he was going to be stuck in a permanent purgatory, caged inside the mind of a child. Never remembering who he had been, who he had become after the world fell apart. And to know that someone had done this, had beaten Tommy within an inch of his life.

"Joel?"

Joel took a breath, "Back when Sarah died, I didn't have any outlet for my anger. The world tookher from me and there was nothing I could do. The closest thing I _could_ do was beat the soldier who shot her. Tommy— Tommy had to pull me off 'im." An emotion he hasn't felt since Sarah died, since Ellie had been taken by David. The need for revenge consumed him, it grabbed him by the legs and pulled him down, relentless, unceasing. "All I wanna know, is who did this to my baby brother."

Jesse stepped forward, "I think I might be able to help with that." Jesse paused for a minute to pull something out of his pocket. "After we got back, we found this underneath Sara's saddle." It was a bloodied note folded in half. "You need to read it."

Joel unfolded the note and recognized Tommy's handwriting.

> _Joel_
> 
> _It was….._
> 
> _Abby,_
> 
> _She's a Firefly,_
> 
> _After you…in the bunker… I'm sorry, I tried…_

Savage

Spiteful

It boiled in his chest and left him burning. But something else appeared there amongst the anger, guilt. A mind-numbing sense of shame, his hands shook, throat tightening. "I caused this," It made sense now why Abby had just appeared, why she was just suddenly there. She was after him and she was after him because she had been Firefly. "I need to be alone right now." And Joel walked away, he walked away and left them there even as Ellie called out to him, he continued walking. He walked until his found himself home, found himself in his room. Sitting on his bed, with Sarah's watch in his hands and Tommy's note in the other, Marlene's tape recorder off to the side. He became so bitter at the world after he lost her, and then he found Ellie, and he found hope again. Humanity or Ellie, it wasn't much of a choice.

For Joel his whole world is that little girl.

But now there's _this_. To finally realize, to see the overall consequence of his actions. To know that Tommy had paid for something Joel had done, to know that his little brother got caught in the mess he made, when he had nothing to do with Joel's choices.

There was a knock on the door about a two later, but Joel was too consumed with his own thoughts to hear. That was until he saw Maria standing in his doorway. "Maria." She looked as exhausted as he felt, like she aged 40 years in a matter of a single day. "How's— How is he?"

"Alive,"

Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, dent in his skull, actin' like a child in a grown man's body. But he's _alive_ , huh?"

Maria didn't look like she had the strength to start an argument with him. "Right, that's all I'm choosing to focus on." Maria let out a long sigh and Joel could hear the many emotions behind it. "Jesse said Tommy left a note?"

Joel nodded, choosing not to give her the note, but explain instead, "There was a girl we saved, Abby. She's a firefly." He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. "Maria, we _saved_ her. And she did that to him, because of what _I_ did."

"Joel." His eyes met hers and Joel looked at her, really looked at her, and knew something was wrong. "Ellie's gone."

It was like his entire world came apart with those two words. "What?"

"She left this," Maria handed him another note.

> _Maria, if your reading this, it means Jesse must have told there I've gone. After you left, Jesse said he checked the bunker, Tommy mentioned in his note, and there was nothing there, nothing but a tunnel leading out. She must have dug her way. Jesse said he found something in the tunnel just outside, a list of supplies with the initials WLF in the corner._
> 
> _I'm heading out to find her, and before you or Joel freak out, I've got Dina with me, and you know with her around we're capable. I want to tell you not say anything to Joel, but I know better. If he tries coming after me lock him up. Tommy needs him, he was asking for Joel when he left. I'll be fine, I'm gonna find Abby, I promise. Be back soon._
> 
> _–Ellie_

Shit…

"What the hell are you thinkin', baby girl? Your smarter than this." He murmured to himself. He folded her note along with Tommy's and put them in his pocket, walking towards the door and down the stairs "I'm going." It wasn't a question, not even an order, but a declaration. "Make sure to lock this place up, post snipers on each lookout point on all entrances, we have no way of knowing how many there are."

This wasn't up for debate.

Maria nodded, "I know." But she got in front of him, held out her hand, telling him to wait, "Listen; They left around twenty minutes ago. If you leave now you can catch them," Maria stopped short, she seemed to pause for a moment, Joel saw an emotion drift a crossed her face. "Normally, I'd send Tommy with you but…" Maria looked just as broken he felt, as Ellie felt. Slowly, she reaches behind her and held out a rifle that Joel knew was Tommy's. "But he can't, obviously. So Jesse's going with you. Just do what you need to do and come back soon because she's right. Tommy has been asking for you."

Joel took that in, taking in a small breath, gently taking his brother's rifle, gaze falling to the carved words on the wood, _Together, we make a family._ "Tell him I'll be back, tell him just like when Dad use to come take me out for three days huntin'. No matter what age he is when you to tell, he'll understand."

"I will."

He adds Tommy's gun to his arsenal, and heads out the door, where Jesse is already waiting, holding Callus' reigns. "Hey Joel."

"Jesse." Joel nodded, getting onto Callus' back, giving him a gentle pat "I'll feel a hell of a lot better once we find Ellie."

Jesse gave him a look of sympathy, "Then let's not waste any more time." They made their way to the gate, made their way out and into the forest. "I tried to convince Ellie not to leave, but she wouldn't budge. Especially not with Dina there to back her up."

"I'm not surprised" Joel sighed, why was that girl always causing him such grief? "God that girl is stubborn, she'd _smarter_ then this."

"She was just as broken up about Tommy—"

"But to do something like _this_? This is something that _I'd_ do, something I was _gonna_ do, something I _still_ plan to do if we come a crossed. But _her_? No, I… I raised her better than that. There's too many things we don't know, she has no idea what you could be walkin' into."

"Well let's start off with what we _do_ know. We know that Abby was here to find _you_ , probably to kill you for some reason. And we know that she took it all out on Tommy."

"Not in the beginning. What she did to him was interrogation. When he wouldn't give her what she wanted that's when she started…" Joel closed his eyes, unable to even imagine how much pain his brother was in during those moments. "When she did that to him."

"Do you really think would ever…" Jesse's comment went unfinished, but Joel knew what he was trying to ask.

"In this world anyone is capable of anything."

They traveled in silence after that, traversing through the snow, the only times they really talked were when Jesse tried to explain what happened in the two hours Ellie decided to leave, "I was combing the area, near the bunker, I followed the tracks further up North and found that Baldwin place? It looked like people were staying there now."

That peaked Joel's interest, "We did a perimeter check two weeks ago. How'd we not know there's possible Fireflies stayin' there?"

Jesse shrugged, "Guess they're better at hiding then we thought. Do you think Ellie and Dina went there?"

"There's no doubt in my mind."

When they got to the Baldwin Place up north, they quickly realized the darkness there how haunting it looked, deselent. The place looked abandoned like the last time they had come through here. "Get your gun out." Joel informed Jesse, taking out his revolver. "It could be a trap. Them layin' and waitin'"

Jesse did as instructed, and quietly, guns drawn, they made their way inside. Immediately, Joel could tell that _yes_ , people had been living here, and had been for quite some time now. He also noticed that they left in quite a hurry, see as the entire place was trashed, more so then it had been before. It was so uncomfortably quiet; Joel got a sickening feel in his stomach that they were being watched.

A thumb came from below.

Someone was definitely still here. Joel looked over to Jesse and together they nodded simultaneously, quickly they crouched to the ground and found cover, and waited. Eventually, two voices spoke from down below, and they were gradually starting to get loud as their footsteps grew closer. "I just can't believe they left without us."

"Cause we were out getting scooting and _someone_ decided to took longer because they spotted a deer in the distance."

"But they couldn't have waited until we got back? Like we just had to come back to nothing but a note to burn the place."

Joel peeked through the edge of the countertop he was using for cover and saw two males walking through the place, pouring gasoline on the ground. "You read Owen's note, we got this far by luck and the snow, getting out of this part unnoticed by Jackson now on high alert after what Abby did, is going to be next to impossible without a distraction."

"Jeez, I get it. The guy killed her dad, but to do _this_? She put us all at risk attacking Tommy on her own." Joel felt his hear ring as he listened to them talk, could feel Jesse' eyes on him as the men drew closer. "Plus this is the quickest way to get rid of evidence."

"Seems like the quickest way to draw attention to ourselves, actually. Like the girl that came through here before, who was snooping around."

The moment Ellie was mentioned Joel readied his gun and popped out from cover; Jesse close at his heels. "Move and I'll shoot your kneecap out." The two men froze caught completely off guard as Joel and Jesse rounded on them, "Hands where we can see them,"

"Hey, man. We don't want no trouble."

Joel scoffed at that, "You know I would have believed ya if ya'll hadn't tried to kill my brother." He didn't say that by accident, by a slip of the tongue, no, he knew exactly what he was saying.

One of the two men, stiffened even more at his words, "Fucking hell, you're _him_!?"

"Guilty." He said without an ounce of regret.

"After what you cost humanity, you should burn for every single thing you've done—!" Joel didn't give the man time to finish his sentence for he trained his gun right on the man's skull and fired.

"Gavin!"

The man, Gavin, hit the ground with a _thud_! Joel watched the other one struggle with his breathing before he chanced going for his weapon too. Jesse took aim this time and shot the him through the hand. The Firefly let out a scream before dropping to the drop, clutching his hand. "Focus, right here." Joel ordered him as he knelt down, eyes level. "Now here's how this is gonna play out, your gonna tell me which way the girl went and maybe, maybe I don't have my friend put a bullet in your mouth.

"A-Abby's not h—here."

"I don't mean her, I meant the other girl, the one with the tattoo on her arm." Joel slapped the man's cheek to get him to focus straight at him. "But now that you meant it, where is Abby?"

"I ain't telling you shit."

Joel's left eye twitched, taking out his knife, he wasted no time in sinking it into the man's leg, he ignored the cry of pain the sounded out and from his peripherals he could tell Jesse was trying to the same. " _Where_?"

Joel had to give the man credit; the guy was putting up quite the fight. But eventually, he said with stuttered breath, " _S-Seattle_." Pants were coming out of his mouth in short gasps. "Now l-let me go."

Joel stood up, as methodically fiddled with the trigger of his pistol, "Why? So you can inform your little group about us?"

They exited soon after, Joel had an impossibly tight grip on Callus' reigns as they moved through the trees, the sun poking through the branched, melting the snow that gathered there. Indicating the run of winter was coming to an end. Joel gazed at Jesse, who hadn't said a word since they left, guilt gnawed at him, Jesse probably hasn't seen torture before, let alone see Joel do it, since he knew the kid looked up to him like Ellie had. "Sorry, you had to see all that, kid."

Jesse took a breath, "I mean… I get it. It's not that I haven't seen anything like that. But…" Jesse paused looking ahead. "I still took me by surprise,"

Joel nodded, he expected as much, and thought this would be a good time to give the kid a chance, "Listen, if you wanna head back, you can."

Jesse looked up at him, shaking his head. "No, Ellie's my friend, and Dina— Well she's important to me even if we aren't together anymore. If they need me, I'm going to be there." There was determination in Jesse's eyes, an urge to protect, to help and honestly, what else could Joel do but accept?

"Alright then. Just know that, the further we go, the more possible it is that will happen." Because there was always a chance, what they were doing, what Ellie was likely doing, there was always a possibly that would happen again.

Jesse gave him a nod, "I understand… but—"

"What?"

"Did you… really kill her dad?"

The question made him freeze, he has been tryin' to not think about that ever since they left, "I don't know, she was a Firefly, so it's possible, I guess."

"But _why_? I know you don't have to tell me, but that guy said you cost them humanity. What did they do?"

Joel ran a hand over his face, letting out a sigh as he rubbed at his eyes, as he tried to figure out what to say, because he knew whatever bullshit answer he normally would give to someone who asked, would only prompt Jesse to continue asking. "Listen; kid. You swear on your grave that you won't tell a _soul_ " Joel's eyes were sharp as they stared at Jesse, "Not a single soul, this is not a game, you understand?"

Jesse nodded and Joel inhaled a long, deep breath, they rode there in silence until he was ready to speak. "Ellie's immune." He hasn't said those words in years and he realized the weight it lifted off his chest, much like it had when he first told Tommy, "To the infection, the spores, gettin' bit, all of it. And the Fireflies wanted to use her to make a cure. To save humanity. But the catch." Joel took another breath, closing his eyes, heart racing, heart _aching_. "It would kill her. And I—"

Joel didn't finish, couldn't finish.

"You couldn't let that happen."

Joel bit the inside of his cheek, letting a small grunt, "Yeah."

Next to him, he heard Jesse let out a breath of his own. "Damn, that's a lot." Joel grip on the reigns tightened that much more, as he prepared himself for the onslaught of questions from Jesse, questions filled with anger and accusations that he was a selfish person, but was surprised once again when that didn't come. "In your shoes, I can't say I'd done different."

Joel let out a small sad chuckle. "Tommy said that same thing." Absently, he took out Marlene's tape recorder and glared at it. "So is it possible that I killed her dad, yeah. Very likely."

"Does that… _change_ your opinion on her?"

Joel shook his head, "No, absolutely not." Did he understand her reasons, _yes_. But taking out on Tommy, someone who had nothing to do with his choices? That's where the understanding stopped. "And if she hurts Ellie _or_ Dina, she'll get a lot worse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to show Joel's dynamic with Jesse, I like to think that since Jesse looked u to Joel much like Ellie use to that seeing the length of what Joel is willing to do for Ellie would kinda set him back a bit. Not to the point where he's loose all faith in Joel because Jesse isn't that kind of person, but to be genuinely surprise because he's never seen that side of Joel.
> 
> I also debated with myself if Joel was going to tell Jesse about Ellie's immunity to the infection. And I decided that doing so would further their relationship because Jesse is very understanding, plus Ellie's his friend, and as we all know he's always willing to help his friends. 
> 
> Anywoo, a penny for ya'll thoughts? Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated down below and I'll see you all in the next one.


	5. Chapter 5

The first two nights they made camp, Joel had nightmares. They were the worst ones he's had in years. Dreaming himself inside that bunker, having a front row center as Abby beat Tommy with it over and over and over again as his brother screamed out, cried out, tears in his eyes for Joel. The image of Tommy seemed to morph, switched from a physical adult to a child, voice distorted and filled with static. Then if it were even possible, it got worse. If the image of his baby brother getting beat was gut wrenching to deal with already, then it goes without saying that seeing Ellie in Tommy's place shattered him.

_**BANG** _ _!_

_Tommy_

_**BANG!** _

_Ellie_

_**BANG!** _

_Sarah_

They cried out for him, screamed for him, to help them, to make the pain stop—

"JOEL!"

"BROTHER!"

"DAD!"

And it about killed him.

It was like something stabbed him through the chest and ripped out his heart. He held them all so close to his heart that the thought of losing them was too much. Bile rose in his throat, he could taste foul suspense, its putrid smell burning his senses as he tried so desperately to save them, pulled them away from pain that was being inflicted on them.

But nothing he did helped; it was like he was rooted to the spot and all he could do witness this act of violence take place. Then Abby turned to him, blunt object in hand and screamed at him, eyes filled with a burning fire of vengeance, voice growing hoarse at how many times she bellowed that this was his fault, _everything_ was his fault.

He hasn't wanted revenge anymore in his entire life.

Then he was jerked back into reality by Jesse he was shaking him violently. "Joel!" He sat up quickly, heart pounding so hard in his chest that he could hear it in his ears, as his head throbbed with sudden vertigo taking over, and breath left him as he gagged on something disgusting. "Jesus. I had to wake you up. You were screaming and choking on your own vomit" Distantly, through blurry vision he could see the pile of vomit on the ground that was mixed in with the dirt and grass.

Body shaking, tears of pain and heart ache cascaded down his cheeks. All Joel could do was sit there head bowed low while Jesse knelt to the side, hands hovering, not knowing what to do. After a moment, once he collected himself enough to form a voice, "'ppreciate it." And knowing that there was no way in hell he was going back to sleep, Joel stood up and walked over to Callus, whom gave him an affectionate nudge against Joel's cheek with his head. "M' alright, ya ol' softie." Joel murmured, tiredly, stroking Callus between his eyes with his fingers. "Feel like headin' out?" He turned to Jesse but stopped when he finally took in Jesse' appearance, they had only been gone from Jackson for two days and yet it was already taking it's toll. Joel chuckled fondly, giving Callus one last stroke, he settled down on the floor,

"Rest up, kid. I'll keep watch."

Jesse blinked at him, surprised "You sure? We can go if you want—"

Joel held up a hand, silencing him. "I'm not gonna be goin' back to sleep anytime soon so might as well let you sleep some, you need it just as much as I do."

Jesse looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of if as he laid down and was snoring before his head hit his pack he was using as a pillow. Joel let out a light scoff, staring at the kid for a moment, this kid had a lot of heart, determined to help him get to Ellie, genuinely wanting to help in general. And even if there were a couple times, he wished to be doing this on his own, Joel was grateful for the assistance.

He never had anymore children after Sarah. He and Stella made sure of that when they both sat down and agreed that it wasn't working, that they could stay together just for Sarah' sake. They parted mutually, on good terms. But the urge to have any more children died when he realized how much of a handful Sarah already was. But, Joel liked to believe, that if he did have a son, he'd want him to have been like Jesse.

Willing to protect, but also willing to fight.

Joel let Jesse sleep for the minimal of four hours, now to some that didn't seem like nearly enough but as far as Joel was concerned four hours was better then none at all and the kid. The moment dawn broke, and the sky started to become a hue of orange and red, was when he decided they needed to move out.

Standing up, he moved over to Jesse and shook him awake. "Up and at 'em, kid."

They headed out soon after that.

Maneuvering their way through another batch of forest and trees. They were halfway down a highway road filled with abandoned cars and greenery when Jesse, albeit hesitantly, began asking questions. Joel could sense it to, long before he started talking, the way Jesse eyes down casted to his knuckles, how his shoulders tensed up. Eventually, Jesse let out a sigh and Joel took that as the kid's way of saying 'fuck it', because within the next second, he blurted out "So— Did the Fireflies have any other immune people besides Ellie?"

Joel thought for a moment, his immediate answer was no, there wasn't but then he remembered the tape he found back years ago, "I found a tape once that said otherwise. I wasn't lyin' when I said that there were dozens, as far as we knew there could be, given that tape and what it implied."

"You said that you eventually told her about it. Why'd you lie?"

Joel sighed, "She wanted her life to mean something, her death to mean something… And I—" He closed his eyes, heart aching. "Took that from her."

"Was there really a guarantee?"

Joel shook his head, "From the tape I found they had other people immune but it hadn't done a damn bit of good. They were closer looking for a vaccine with or without Ellie."

There was silence for a moment, "I know I'm not a brain surgeon or anything but I remember them teaching us the a _vaccines_ doesn't work on fungal infections?"

Joel let out a hollowed laugh, "Try telling that to the Fireflies, they were dead set on killing her, even if another professional magically came in, they wouldn't have listened." Marlene had been so sure, had been so determined and steel hearted. It was like they never even tried to find another option. He, like Jesse, was no professional when it came to all that science stuff, but he knew there had to be another way then just killing her.

But they either didn't look for it, or just didn't bother to care.

"Joel, look." Following Jesse's gaze, Joel found that they had crossed into an abandoned Quarantine Zone, with the words _'WLF Trespassers Killed on Sight.'_ In big bold letters spray painted on the side of the entrance that allowed safe passage at the time, or to keep others out. "How are we gonna get past this?" Because there looked to be no way over, at least no way over the involved leaving Callus and Eva behind, and as desperate as Joel was to get to Ellie, he wasn't about to abandon his ol' mare.

Not when Callus had been so loyal to him.

"I'll figure something out."

And that he did, going through the motions, thinking and planning he managed to not only get over to the other side but he also managed to open the door to let their mares through. It was just a stroke of luck that the passwords to the gates was just laying next to the codepad. Had Ellie come through this way? Had she gone through the same motion he had just gone through and possibly left it for him to find or had she simply decided to leave the note behind, thinking she or Dina could just remember them?

The only downside to getting the gate open, was it made an ungodly loud noise afterwards, without a second of hesitation, Joel jumped on Callus and rushed forward because that was definitely gonna be drawing some attention rather it be infected or this WLF group.

"Do you think they went through all this?" Jesse asked after opening the East 1 gate, "Ellie and Dina, I mean."

Joel hummed, "Seeing as these gates are the only way through this Quarantine Zone, I'd say I have no doubt they did." He pulled on the reigns, making Callus come to a full stop. Because the sight before him took his breath away. Laying in a pool of it's own blood, was Shimmer. There was evidence that a bomb had gone off, likely a trap that was tripped by Shimmer, hence way Jesse had suggested long before coming a crossed those barricades to find a way around them, but it was obvious that an explosion wasn't what killed Shimmer, it hadn't even been the infected, _no_. Clearly, very clearly, as he knelt by the deceased animal, Joel could see a bullet lodged into the mare's skull.

_The poor thing_

Joel stroked Shimmer's head, stood up. He tried so very hard to keep his heart from racing, tried so very hard to keep calm. Telling himself that just because Shimmer was gone, that doesn't mean his baby girl and Dina had suffered that fate. He voiced this to Jesse when he verbally spoke this concern. "No, no, they're fine. We just gotta keep looking."

_Where are you, baby girl?_

They looked through buildings, homes, abandon apartments. Traveling miles, they searched until the sunset for any sign of Ellie or Dina.

Eventually they came through a part of town with a pool, and while that hadn't been touched the places beyond that had been. There was a body on the ground, several bodies. All sprawled out on the ground, puncture wounds dealing the killing blow. "Jesus, Ellie did all this?"

Joel wouldn't put it past her, not for a single second. "Let's keep moving, the bodies still look fresh, if we hurry, we can try and cut them off at the next overpass."

The sound of an engine was ignited, as a few bullets pelted the ground, leaving holes. Joel jerked his head to the left just in time to see a truck swerve around the corner into view. "Shoot them!"

" _Go_!" Joel called out to Jesse. As they raced down the streets, they zig zagged through alleyways, jumped over fences, and at one point even raced over rooftops. And just when it looked like they were going to lose the truck, a smoke bomb was thrown their way, going off just mere inches away from them, it managed to scare Eva enough to toss him backwards, Jesse went crashing to the ground, while the horse ran off in the other direction.

Joel made Callus skid to a stop and didn't waste a second thought before riding straight back through the thick fog. He held out his hand for the kid to take, heaving him up over Callus before they were off again. As the chaos loomed over them, as the screams from the soldier and the gunfire drew closer, Joel concluded rather quickly that Ellie and Dina were no longer in this part of town. Changing directions, they fled through a broken wall, through the woods, out past some abandoned semi-trucks with picture on the side, and just like that they were out of the Quarantine Zone.

But even as the truck faded from their line of hearing. Even as the shouts and gun fire became distance, Joel knew from experience, that it still wasn't safe. Taking refuge in an old, but secure looking shack on top a hill hidden by greenery and branches a few miles away, Joel and Jesse made camp for the night. He just got Callus settled and a small fire going when out of his peripherals he saw Jesse pull something out of his bag. Joel chuckled, "After what that horse as been through do you really think it's gonna come back to us even with that whistle?"

Jesse shrugged, "Can't hurt to try." Putting the whistle to his lips, Jesse took one deep breathe and blew into the whistle, it's sound unheard to them but beside them, Callus let out a loud noise, stomping his foot.

When nothing happened, Jesse tried it a few more times, with the same exact result. "Wasting your breath there, kid." Joel murmured, closing his eyes, resting his head against the wooden wall.

"Oh, yee of little faith, old timer." Jesse proclaimed with a smile, bring the whistle to his lips one last time, giving the object on hearty blow. They waited, and to Joel's surprise they heard the same noise that Callus had made, but this hadn't come from Callus this time, but from outside. "Holy shit, it worked?" Jesse laughed looking and sounding just as surprised as Joel felt, as they both stood up and moved outside. "Looks like Dina owns me a dance at the next party!"

Jesse stopped short, his eyes grew wide as he looked into the darkness and saw that it was just his mare outside, but a silhouette on top of it, someone was riding his horse, someone had found and Jesse had lead whoever it was to them. Joel raised his gun towards the man. "Move and I put one right through your chest."

Through the pitch blackness, he watched as the silhouette opened its mouth, "Joel?" The blood in Joel's veins froze, a sickening feeling of dread washed over him.

"Tommy?"

Tommy grinned at him, with a childish laugh, he slid off of Eva and on to the ground. All Joel could do was stand there, rooted to the spot. His brain couldn't comprehend what he was seeing, the knowledge that Tommy was here?

_How_ was Tommy here?

Fortunately, Jesse seemed to verbally ask that every same question. "Tommy, how'd you get here?"

Tommy looked exceedingly proud of him as he thumped a fist against to his chest, all smug. A gestured that his brother had used when he had been around fifteen and was told looked look by their classmates. "'Was taught out to track, by my dad."

"How you find us?"

Again, Tommy smiled. Walking over to Eva, he gently, stroked her with own finger. "'Bone tired, until I found her, gave me a ride. And then lead me here! Ya proud of me, brother?"

The tension in the air shifted, became dangerous as Joel stood there, staring at Tommy. His brother, there very person who nearly died at the hands of a Firefly, the very person who now, had the personality of an adolescent and therefore should not be out here at fucking all. Was standing there before him, asking Joel if he was proud.

The dame shattered, it only took Joel two long strides forward before he was standing right before Tommy, grabbing his brother by the shoulder, he did the last thing Tommy was probably thinking, and shook him, "Are you _fucking_ _stupid_?" His eyes felt dangerous, and his voice didn't voice like it should, it was gruffer, lower and devoid of any emotion expect anger. "Do you have any idea how _dangerous_ it is being here? Do you even have a god damn clue how reckless your being after what you just gone through?" His heart was racing, his head was hurting, he squeezed his eyes shut. How was he supposed to find Ellie now? They could take Tommy with them, but they also can't go all the way back to Jackson either, they had gone too far to turn back now. "Fucking hell, Tommy."

When he opened his eyes again, he saw tears cascaded down Tommy's face. His brother's face looked distraught with heartache and fear. "J- _Joel_?" Tommy's body began to visibly shake with terror, "Sh-She told me you were going huntin'—" His brother stuttered through his tears, "An' I wanted to come— You always take me with you, r-right?"

His anger evaporated, now leaving behind a sickening guilt in its wake as well as a deep seeded fear. Reaching forward, he curled his fingers around Tommy's neck and yanked him forwards. His arms tightened around his brother's as his tremors became worse. "'M sorry, little brother." His throat felt like it was swelling with the amount of emotion he was feeling. " _Fuck_ , I didn't mean it. 'M so sorry."

" _Joel_ …"

His heart ping in his chest because Tommy sounded terrified of him. He tightened his hold, practically burning Tommy's face against his neck. "'M sorry baby brother, love you, I promise."

They didn't move until long after the fire went out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may ask, why Tommy is there? Or rather, HOW Tommy is there. Well when I wrote this part of the story, I had a vision in my head that, a concept. See I always believe that when it comes to family, any member should be and would be willing to do anything to meet them half way. 
> 
> Look at Joel, he’s traveling miles to find his baby girl. And look at Dina she traveled miles just so Ellie wouldn’t go on her quest alone. The same goes for Jesse too, in this story and the canon game. 
> 
> And in Tommy’s case, regardless of his injuries and brain damage, regardless if he flip flops between having the mind of a child, to a teenager, to before Sarah died. He wants one thing, he doesn’t understand it yet but he just wants to just be there for Joel, he has an urge, this need to just go, so he does. And for those that question just HOW he got that far from Jackson to Seattle without running into a single Infected or WLF group? Well, luck. There really isn’t any other way to describe it, Tommy right now has the luck of Nathan Drake from Uncharted on his side and damn well he’s gonna use it. 
> 
> Anywoo, a penny for your thoughts? Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated down below and I will see you all soon


End file.
